Concrete Jungle

11 more days for my vacation. I am enjoying every bit of my vacation but I am logging to go back and lie down on my bed in my home there. I am worried about my indoor plants and my friend squirrel.

Here I am meeting my friends whom I didn’t see for more than five to six years. And most of them live quite far from my house. Commuting here is a big draw back in the city. With bad roads and traffic it’s a Herculean task.  Saving grace here is the Ola and Uber. Thanks to ola and uber getting a cab is much easier than buying a chocolate.

Been to few friends houses and it makes me feel sad by seeing the concrete jungle. There is so vegetation, it’s just those high rise Apartments and cannot see any vegetations. Been to a friend’s house which was on 10th floor. I tried to see beyond what my eyes can see for greenery. But I was disappointed, no site of green colour. Sometimes I am really blessed to live in a place where there is no pollution. My kids can play outside without wearing a mask on their noses.Atleast they play outside for six months. Can spot cats,squirrels and birds.

It’s a big chaos on the roads. Metro project is going on now and roads are full of potholes and construction materials. Top of that no one follows traffic rules.

I am enjoying my chaos..

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Day 14 Try to get what you love…

“Try to get what you love or else you are forced to love what you get”- Author unknown.

My job after my Post graduation was my first love and it was in the year 1997, i was fresh from college and didnt know much about what i am supposed to do in the job.It was purely sales job and i used to enjoy a lot.It involved lot of travelling in the city as well as to other states.Never got a chance to explore the other states but my city i have explored it to maximum in those 3 years of my job.

I was so obessed with my job that my mom used to tell me that whole night i used to murmur in my sleep about my work.I still get dreams that i am working in that company.I still  carry my visiting card in my purse.The feeling I had when i saw my first visiting card cannot be expressed in the words.

Then my mom started telling me that sales jobs are not for girls,it is not good to come home late at 9.00 in the night and forced me to write bank exam.I don’t how i cleared the exam inspite of not doing a single maths problem correctly (that’s according to me,maybe the person who corrected by paper got all the answers right,i don’t know).Then when i got the job in a pvt bank very reluctantly resigned the job,that day i cried a lot and i still miss my first job.Even now i am sure of getting that sort of job but i don’t think i can give that much time and concentration to my job.That time i was single and young i have ample of time for myself.Now with family and kids i don’t think i can. 

I was the only female in my office and i used to get preferential treatment from my colleagues then. I was bothered by my colleagues only in the end of the month when there was a deficit in the sales target and asking me to contribute more for that month. I had a very good rapport with the distributors that a single phone to them our sales target was achieved.

Had I not listen to my mom, I would have completed 20 years in the same company. That company gave a voice to an introvert. I can’t blame her to, she is more bothered about the society then my interest and my choice. What I am now it’s because of that company, it made me bold and speak up. 

After that company what ever job I did,I was forced to love that job. Now I work because I have to pay my bills. 

 

Day 5 A small thought

I was going through an article and the author asked have you seen a sunrise,sunset,blooming of a flower, a butterfly,earthworm ect…

Sometimes in our life we crib what we don’t have and forgetting what we have and how blessed we are to have them.

In this concerete jungle we don’t get to see sunrise or sunset. Most of roads are covered by tarmac so no soil to see earthworm and because of mobile phones birds or butterflies are not seen.

Even though canada is a progressive country only the business districts are concerete jungles. Here apartment complexes are very few and more of independent houses.

After many years I played badminton in the open space I have in front of my house, which I never dream of playing in hyd as there is lots of traffic in front of my house.

I had sunflowers and veggies in my backyard. I used to count the sunflower buds every evening because I want to see how many flowers are taken by my Sunflower thief.

Even though I miss Hyderabad a lot, I am blessed to be here in-spite of harsh winter.

Each passing day….

Each passing day….

Each passing day… The days we spent with you is getting lesser then the days we spent without you.

It’s been 19 years.

I don’t know at this point if I really miss you, I do and I don’t.

I do when I see my age group people are walking stick to their parents, holding hands when they are taking escalators in malls or trying to search for a lift for them or arranging a wheel chair at the airport.

I don’t miss you, I never thought you left us.

And with each passing day the memories are fading. And very few details I recollect now.

Time is the best healer and I don’t want to get healed and fade all my memories with you.

The most distinct memory I have of you is, sitting on the same chair everyday facing the road. What thoughts your are having then? How to raise my girls?

That chair is like having a memory foam that after you left we felt you are sitting their every evening. We never used to sit in that chair after you left, thinking you are there sitting and seeing outside. That chair belongs to you only.

And the sound of motorcycle(jawa) still echoes in my ears. What ever we were doing, the sound made us to stop everything and sit in front of books. Was it fear or respect. Then it was fear but now I realize it was not. It was your way to descipline us to study hard.

When ever I make pudina (mint) chutney I remember you. I know you were foodie so I am..gone on you I suppose.

Many food items remind me of you like jonanna roti, pudina pachadi,fish curry,kheema, list is endless. To top all this your ever ending desire to eat desserts..nothing can beat that.

And the shirt you used to hang in your bedroom. Mom still hangs that shirt in her bedroom inspite of moving our house nana.

Before we didn’t had a picture of you on the wall, now we have it. You are not with us but you are looking at us.

I remember the glow in your eyes when I brought you a shirt with my first salary. You wored it and stood in front of the mirror like a child who was given a new shirt. The happiness and pride you had in your eyes I can never forget.

When I brought my car and took it to work on 1st day, there were no one to call me at work to check on me whether I reached safely. You called me at work when I took kinetic Honda first time to work.

Five rupees you always used to promise to give me if I keep my mouth shut for five minutes…I never got five rupees from you, it’s not you never gave..I can’t  close my mouth even for five minutes.

I have a screw driver which you used to use. I always use it here when I have to fix something. That screw driver has small light at the end and it is a screw driver cum tester which glows when it gets into contact with electricity.

when I speak to pedannana(dad’s elder brother) I feel I am talking to you. He tells me not to spend money by calling him, he will call me. I tell him I didn’t had an opportunity to spend anything on my dad pls allow me to call him.In my next visit to India I am going to see him, will show my kids  their tatha.

I missed it…

The main draw back of living outside Hyderabad is you are not able to attend any ceremonies nor you can see a person for the last time.
Recently my uncle has passed away suddenly, the only thing I did was shed  tears. He was my mom’ younger brother and have childhood memories with him. The last time I met him was when he had open heart surgery and my mom visited him just few days before he passed away.

Then there was my cousin’s housewarming ceremony. All my cousins and my sisters attended that function and I was missed there.

Yesterday my cousin sister’s daughter got engaged and I am sitting here and crying. I so wanted to go but can’t. My girl’s passports has gone for renewal and also I have to see the cost involved .  Spoke to my sister and first thing she said to me was she missed me and my girls. I am very happy that her daughter is getting married. She and myself don’t share same mother but she is my elder sister. She came to live with us and help my mom when she was 10 years old. Wanted to write about her I am falling short of words. Will write it soon….