Lack of awareness

The word cancer is the most dreaded word in the English dictionary. And the word cancer is the most feared disease and cancer disease lacks awareness.

Cancer is unbearable to the patient and unbearable to the caretaker too. Even after the death the suffering of the patient haunts you. There is always a question what else you would have done to give a decent departure? The eyes of my mother used to ask me **relieve me from this pain and suffering** her helplessness ***.

Nobody guided us on palliative care. Hospital doesn’t want to waste their precious bed, turned us thrice saying nothing much we can do,no further treatment,take her home. Doctors are Gods whatever they say is right and we brought amma home.

We were desperate and exhausted as we don’t have anywhere go who can reduce amma’s pain and suffering. Very rapidly she was detorating it was unbearable to her and to us. Cancer patients looses dignity. The caretaker will do what he or she thinks is right. The caretaker has lack of knowledge,there is no awesomeness what so ever. The patient is on the mercy of the caretaker and the caretaker is helpless.

My mother had only two weeks,that’s when Google helped us with a hospice care in hyderabad. I won’t say god sent as I am not ready to accept that god helped my mother. If he had to help her,he would have guided much before and reduced her suffering,given her a dignified departure.

Hospice center in hyderabad is a nonprofit organization who give dignified departure to the terminally ill patients for whom treatment is no longer an option. Had my mother was in house,it would have been watch and wait for her departure. The suffering would have been continued.

Hospice team visited my mother and gave her dressing and pain relief medication and promised her that they will take her in their care. They gave my mother hope that they will end her sufferings. As promised sparsh hospice took my mother in their care. And she departed with a dignity,she breathed last in the hands of angels at sparsh hospice.

Had we known about Sparsh hospice or of palliative care my mother would have suffered less. In Canada there are homes attached to hospitals who shift patients from hospitals to the care homes. Where as in Hyderabad no hospital told us about the palliative care. The staff at the hospital should have acted as a human to reduce the suffering of a human. Why my mother has to suffer this much?

She suffered because of zero knowledge we have? She suffered because there is no cancer awesomeness?

She suffered because hospital refused to admit her because she was apparently a lost cause and they didn’t want to waste a precious hospital bed for a “doomed” patient?

Why her

Sitting in the plane,I am trying to divert myself with thoughts i am getting,but I am not able to. There are so many unanswered questions..

Why her?

Does she deserves this pain?

Lost father at very young age

With great difficulty completed her education.

Got married and that marriage was not happy marriage

Worked hard to achieve a very good position at work.

Educated all 3 girls and got them married

Always compromised on her wants and comforts so that daughters have better life.

Lived life on her own terms

But now why?

Fought every challenge and won on her own terms.

Why this last battle be so pain full?

Even this was won but it made her weak.

But the fighter in her,is still fighting.

 Concrete Jungle

11 more days for my vacation. I am enjoying every bit of my vacation but I am logging to go back and lie down on my bed in my home there. I am worried about my indoor plants and my friend squirrel.

Here I am meeting my friends whom I didn’t see for more than five to six years. And most of them live quite far from my house. Commuting here is a big draw back in the city. With bad roads and traffic it’s a Herculean task.  Saving grace here is the Ola and Uber. Thanks to ola and uber getting a cab is much easier than buying a chocolate.

Been to few friends houses and it makes me feel sad by seeing the concrete jungle. There is so vegetation, it’s just those high rise Apartments and cannot see any vegetations. Been to a friend’s house which was on 10th floor. I tried to see beyond what my eyes can see for greenery. But I was disappointed, no site of green colour. Sometimes I am really blessed to live in a place where there is no pollution. My kids can play outside without wearing a mask on their noses.Atleast they play outside for six months. Can spot cats,squirrels and birds.

It’s a big chaos on the roads. Metro project is going on now and roads are full of potholes and construction materials. Top of that no one follows traffic rules.

I am enjoying my chaos..