Time heals, they say time heals any pain. I was trying to analyze what is my state of mind? Accepting the fact that amma is not around ? Not choking or crying ? Recollecting our happy moments. But I am not able to come out of the trauma of watching my mother in pain. One questions always arises, maybe I didn’t put enough effort to find a solution for her pain, I would have done something else? I would have brought her to Canada? I should have stopped her while she was leaving Canada? I should have begged her to stay with me ? I know I cannot reverse anything what happened nor I have control on future happenings.
It’s been 18 months I didn’t hear my mom’s voice. After I left India every Saturday I used to talk to Amma,argue with her,bitch about somebody and the wait for next call.
But since amma was diagnosed I used to call amma every day and when she was not able to talk due to operation and radiation I was talking to my elder sister.
Never I thought I won’t hear amma’s voice,wish I recorded our conversation.
For readers who are new to my blog, AMMA is my mom
Varunavi's 