Break the silence

 October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.This is just a small contribution from me to spread the awareness of domestic violence.

Yesterday my neighbour rang my bell and before i would reach the door she ranged it twice,when i opened the door she came running into the house and closed the door and there was a panic in her face.On being asked what happened she said her husband came from the office and she doesn’t want to face him.My daughter is not at home,she went to grocery store.Then i said so,then she said you don’t know my husband he shouts a lot and he doesn’t like my daughter to go out on her own.Her daughter is  16 years old.If he thinks going to a grocery is a forbidden thing he can tell her why he doesn’t want her to go in a soft voice,why to shout at them.

Her husband is out of the house from morning 6.00 to evening 8.00 and he expects his wife to do everything like paying the bills,grocery etc and he shouts on her if the daughter goes to the grocery store to her help mom.This lady is educated and she is working and earns on par with her husband.But she is scared of her husband.Fear is in place of  love and trust.Why should she fear him? Why the kids should be scared of their father? He is a decent man,wishes you when ever he sees you,calls your kids and plays with them.What is wrong with him? Ok he comes home after a days long work and from long traffic jams,so he will vent his frustation and anger on his wife and kids.A women also does that? have anyone of you heard about a frustrated women venting her anger on her husband and kids ??

More than the physical abuse it is the mental abuse which goes unnoticed.Words don’t break bones they break hearts.

A close friend of mine has left her marriage after suffering for 4 long years,she says i suffered 4 years and will suffer for long because even after leaving the marriage my past taunts me.For this her parents brought her into this world,gave her education and married her to a decent family after making a good enquire about the family and house where their daughter will live forever.

She is mainly abused by her in-laws and husband is a mute spectator.For this he took seven vows to protect her.She is blamed for everything.When her m-law was sick she was blamed that she didn’t took good care of  her.Something happened in the house,her m-law said the day you put foot in our house we are runied.For this  her m-law selected this girl to be her son’s wife? She was blamed of not having kids inspite of she showing them reports that there is no problem with her and husband never went for a test.And this guy is very well-educated and has a good career but he didn’t allow her to work inspite of being educated on par with him.Leaving marriage was a good option for her as she has got a good support from the parents.It is more than one year she left the house but still she is not able to come out of that.Time heels but why should she suffer for no fault of hers ?

silence-hides-violence

Don’t bear in silence,silence kills.Help yourself and help others.When you see such violence don’t be a silent spectator,ring their bell for atleast the violence stops for sometime.Bell bajo is campaign, asking you the common man to bring domestic violence to a halt.

Please click the links to read more on the domestic violence written by my fellow bloggers.

Solilo–Domestic violence awareness learn to say no

IHM– Is a known devil really better

Swaram — A part or apart

Lakshmi — Living our own lives

Smitha — Send me no roses

Deeps–Another voice against domestic violence

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26 thoughts on “Break the silence

  1. words break the heart – so true Saritha..
    I hope your neighbor gets the strength to face this man…

    I think my neighbour got used to such behaviour of her husband

  2. Sigh! Sad but true Sari 😦
    Words don’t break bones they break hearts. I think ur neighbour should speak out and let her husband know they cannot do with all this! Hw many days will she keep running out when he comes home! She has to and will definitely able to find a solution to this problem! Prayers for her!

    She is seeing such behaviour of her husband since 17-18 years

    And abt ur friend, its so so sad 😦 Y does the MIL forget she ws a DIL too! Or is it what she suffered then that makes her act this way! Ridiculous! I just hope God grant them good-will and ur friend comes out of this mental trauma soon!

    Even i pray that she comes out from that

    Hugs dear 🙂

    Thanks for linking my post 🙂

    Thanx and forgot to mention that the pic i used in the post was from your post.

  3. OMG!
    Your neighbour is in an abusive relationship!
    It’s tough isn’t it? To watch friends suffer…

    I felt bad that day,how long she is going to suffer like this

    Me wrote about this too last night. 🙂

    I read it and forgot to put link here

    And you are 1005 right when you say – “More than the physical abuse it is the mental abuse which goes unnoticed.”
    In-laws torture and the husband being a meek spectator – this scenario is
    there almost everywhere! It boils my blood when its another woman who inflicts so much pain on another woman…

    Most of the women wants to see that her husband supports her if she is right but whether she is right or wrong she won’t get support from her husband

    The man, isn’t a man at all if he can’t stand up and protect his wife!!!

    When he can’t protect why did he marry her?? To get a unpaid maid

    It’s good she left him. She now has a chance to start her life all over again.

    She has got a good job now and trying to come out from the past

    Good post Sari 🙂
    Very well said.

    Thanx pixie and this is the first time i wrote something like this,honestly when i pressed publish button i was very nervous

  4. These are insecure men with very low self esteem,to make themselves look bigger and powerful they use mental and physical abuse as a tool and the saddest side to it is the silent or speaking support given by other members of the family…..i still don’t understand why these men choose a painful live to live while they have a good choice to live happily…..now more and more women are raising their voices against this and even the parents and the society is getting supportive but the first step coming out from the victim is the most important one…to live in fear is not to live at all,they don’t need our sympathy they need our support.

    Very well said kavi “they don’t need our sympathy they need our support”

    Varunavi ,it is a great post and thanks for speaking up …kudos to you dear.

    Thanx kavi
    HUGS TO LITTLE WONDERS.

    Hugs from them

  5. “More than the physical abuse it is the mental abuse which goes unnoticed.”

    But this is happening everywhere and nobody comes to know about it. It is not easy to come out of the marriage when you have got kids. Mostly insecure men behave like this Saritha. And if the wife is intelligent, they are not able to digest. They like only dumb wives but should be capable of taking full responsibility of the family. They just want to be pampered because they are earning…they do not bother to know how much work the wife does at home. Even if the woman is working, she cannot come home and relax for some time but just run to the kitchen, make coffee for herself and others, gulp it down and continue working till night.

    These men are pampered by their mothers and they expect the samething from wife and they think full day at home women don’t have much work to to

    This is the life of most of the women here, Saritha. Very rarely women come out and be happy. Always some form of male, will be there to dictate a woman’s life.

    So true sandhya women are always get dictated by men,before marriage it is father,after marriage it is husband and if she has sons then the dictator is son.

  6. ‘Words don’t break bones they break hearts’ – So true.. A victim of domestic violence will carry the scars forever..

    Your neighbour’s story is so sad! Despite being an educated and financially independent woman, she is still bullied by her husband! Our society definitely is to blame for it, when it sends daughters off to new households and then expect her to remain there, mute , irrespective of how she is treated there..

    I remember a aunty of mine came to my marriage and when i was about to go to my in-laws house,she took me aside and said what ever ur husband and in-laws say you agree with them,don’t ever argue there and make your life a mess.This is what taught to a girl and she in turn teaches to her daughter.

    Your friend, atleast was able to break free. What is the point in staying in a relationship which is so unhappy? Thank god her parents supported her. We need more such parents for whom their daughter’s happiness is far far more important than what the society thinks or says.. I am sure your friend will feel better as time goes by – but I am also sure that after effects of what she went through will always be part of her.

    Wonderfully written, Saritha!

    Thanx smitha

  7. Sari, It is nice to see more people are addressing Verbal battery. We often talk about physical abuse because of visible scars. There are many men and women and children who suffer from hurtful words of their spouses and parents.

    Hurtful words towards children make them more shy and inferior. They grow up with lots of complex.

    I agree with u solilo

    Added it to NGI. Thanks.

    Thanx for adding my post,hugs

  8. You raised a very pertinent point,Sari. Mental abuse many a time goes unnoticed because its not as visible as a physical abuse.
    A harsh word can do as much damage to a person as a slap or a kick.

    A external wound heels faster than the internal wound

  9. The title is very apt, “Break the silence”. A lot of times we shun away from interfering thinking whether we are invading privacy. Great reminder for all of us.

  10. a thought provocative and a meaningful post…I hope and sincerely believe that many of the mute witnesses to ‘mental abuse’ would defy the order.

  11. Brilliant post Saritha. It’s true that verbal violence goes unseen or is seen as one partner trying to teach the other partner to ‘improve’ or be better organised or a better mother or an obedient (!) wife.

    I don’t understand why men wants change his wife? why he can’t accept her the way she is

    We have all seen such couples and felt helpless because often the victim believes she needs to improve.
    In Ladies Special now there is this young girl who marries a nice man she loves but who her father would not approve of.
    Her mother agrees she has done nothing wrong but says, “Your dad will kill you when he comes to know!” They are all terrified of him, and go out of their ways to hide anything he won’t approve of from him. This is a fact of so many sad lives!

    Few days back saw the trailers of ladies special but never saw it,will try to see it.

    Thanx IHM and i always look forward for your comments

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