Musing…..

Since last few months I have gone through lot of turmoil. So many emotions. Tried so many ways to tackle the emotions.

Some emotional turmoil was out of my control and touchewood I don’t have that stress anymore. Mom is showing good signs of recovery.

Was planning to move to another department. Not sure if that decision was good,was very anxious. New colleagues and new work environment. As it is said persistent pays,I got the position which was trying to get since a long time. Alibaba founder is my inspiration.

Covid has taken it’s toll on everyone. Very close uncle passed away due to CPOD and due to restrictions can’t travel to see him for one last time. How hard is for the family when they need people around are now alone. He was loved by everyone and was a father figure in the family. May his soul rest in peace.

Schools started here after a gap of six months. Kids look forwarded for the re-opening of the kids. They have been jailed at home for six months. School is taking all the necessary precautions but as a mother I have my own fears. Luckily I am working from home so I receive them when they are back from school and to tell them change and take a shower.

Summer is done now. It’s getting colder, not like fall temperature. All the vegetable plants are slowly shredding leaves. This is the end for a new beginning.

Ma

Meri ma.

I want to say much to you but my voice chokes and I get emotional when I speak to you every Saturday and Sunday. I choose to speak to you on weekends because I don’t want any disturbance while talking to you and I want to absorb your voice.

My Saturday and Sundays are so dull when I don’t hear your voice. We may disagree with many things, we argue a lot but my waiting to talk to you starts when I hang up call on a Sunday morning.

I cannot live without talking to you, my biggest regret which I carry till my death is leaving you and Hyderabad. Sometimes I wonder, I never had a reason to leave Hyderabad…

You are a single mom who raised three daughters. You are a fighter. All your life you were fighting and this fight also you will win like your previous fights. You are stronger than you think.

Wait for me amma.

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 

 

 

 

 

Value what you have

This week has been a very rough week for me and fans of Rishi Kapoor and Irfan khan. The Two most favorites actors of Indian cinema passed way. Both battled cancer and died. Two days first thing in the morning I read in the news was the death of two versatile actors.

Whenever I hear or read about death, my dad comes in front of me. I recollect all that happened on this day in 1997 as if it happened yesterday. My eyes try to capture him more and more because I feel after today I won’t see him. I have his picture in my shrine which I see everyday but seeing in blood and picture is different. He comes in my dreams very often and the dreams are pleasant. The other day I dreamt that he passed away and was going to see to a mortuary.

I was watching a Rishi Kapoor’s movie in which he says value your father when you have him. I may have not listened to him or maybe I disobeyed him, not sure if I have valued him when he was alive. My greatest regret in my life was not obeying him on that day. He told me to get an auto.

That was the last talk and eye contact i had with him. I should have gone to get the auto,at least he would have been calm as while leaving the house he looked upset,maybe he was not well and wanted to avoid a walk?

I have to learn to value what I have.