I Want A Son

We Indians give so much importance of having a son.A female by name “A” was distributing sweets at the school bus stop,i asked her what is the occasion and before she could answer me,another female “X” said  in a high pitched voice that she has delivered a boy.It is “A” who delivered and i found the excitement in “X” face.Many times people tell me Oh you have two daughters, so what if i have two daughters,they are not going to feed and take care of them.I fail to understand why they are bothered about me and my girls.

We always wished for a girl child,my hubby are three brothers so he always wanted a girl child,infact we planned to adopt a girl child before my second kid.Even now i will adopt once i am financially sound. 🙂

Once i asked my dad why everyone want a son (we are 3 girls),he said the son takes the family forward,the family name will continue for ever and etc…But i am sorry to say my father never had time for his parents,his parents were in Bellary and he was in Hyderabad.Maybe once in a year he used to go there and send money every month.Now hubby is also a son,he is not taking care of his mom and he sends money to her.So sons are only for the money?

I didn’t change my name after marriage,but i am a daughter not a son who is taking father’s name.So sons are only for the  family name ?

My m-law is 70 years old and she is taking care of her mother who is 87 years old and my m-law is a daughter.Her mom did many pujas to have sons and she has 3 sons out of whom 2 are retired from govt services and are at home.The sons who are around 59-62 are healthy but can’t look after their mother.The mom distributed her property and her husband retirement benefits among the three sons and she didn’t give anything to her 2 daughters and these 2 daughters are spending money for their mother’s treatment.Sons are only for the property?

My neighbour’s father in-law has two sons, one is in Delhi and one is here.They both have divided their father stay and he stays for 6 months in Delhi and 6 months in a old age home.There are many reasons why he can’t stay here (Weather,treatment,visa..) but i don’t find a single reason why the other son can’t keep his father with him forever.My neighbour says he argues that why he only should take care of his father.Did the father ever thought why i had a son?

I have written this long back but some how never published it and this is my first post on a issue like this.These are  my thoughts when i heard about my m-law getting her mom to stay with her.

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23 thoughts on “I Want A Son

  1. What a strongly worded beautiful post Saritha! I totally agree with you.

    You have answered each of the questions brilliantly!! I found myself nodding my head vigorously reading this post!!! And it’s really great to have you on wordpress!!

    With a mother like you your daughters are going to grow up into lovely, strong people…. hugs to you and to your two little ones 🙂

  2. Welcome to my WP,was waiting for u 🙂

    Thanx a lot IHM,honestly i never thought my post will be liked much 🙂

    Hugs to you, learning so much from you 🙂

  3. Very nicely written Saritha.. 🙂

    Actually our society attaches too much value in having a boy as they think that whatever they are spending on daughters were going waste as they will move to her husband’s home to live.. what a silly thought..

    but I think it’s changing now… 🙂

    1. Glad that you liked it 🙂

      Yes kanagu i have seen people who just dont allow their daughters to study where as they spend so much on the son education,inspite of daughter scoring more than the son

      Yes it is changing now 🙂

  4. Saritha, So very true dear!

    Those who say that sons take family name forward, next time ask them to name their great-grandfather. No one even remembers. What family name are they talking about?

    All this fascination with male gender is because of the simple fact that they take care of parents at old age. It was like that before in joint families when daughters were sent to another home after marriage and sons stayed back with parents.

    Times have changed and there is nothing like that. Even so these people should remember that it is DILS who actually take care of them when their sons work outside. So daughter or DIL, it is the girl who is much needed.

    Time for people to open eyes and respect and love female gender the same as male and it is for mothers to take a stand.

    1. Thanx solilo and i heard many saying that there son is there for them to take their family further,daughters are “paraya dhan”.

      Rightly said i dont think anyone will remember their great grand father’s name,i am trying to recollect mine,but i am not able to 😦

      We say times have changed but solilo who much ever daughter-inlaw does for m-law they wont change their attitude towards the d-inlaw 😦 she is also a girl

  5. wonderfully written saritha..keep posting more…
    The questions your raised and each scenario you explained, makes everyone think. Hope to see more and more people understand the simple truth that be it a girl or a boy, it wouldn’t matter. in the end all that matters is their love and affection to their parents and not the surnames.

    Saritha: Thanx a lot,honestly i never thought i can write well.

  6. for a moment i thought that you really meant the subject of your post 😉

    Saritha– 🙂

    I would love to have a daughter simply because i never had a sister. Or like my mum says, a daughter brings a certain charm to the house *lol*

    Saritha- Yes liju even my m-law says that daughters bring charm to the house as she has 3 sons 🙂

  7. you want to adopt ?
    thats so great Saritha!(((hugs))that is a beautiful decision 🙂

    Saritha:- Thanx Abhi,once i am financially sound will do that

    coming to the questions you have raised…(((Hugs))I am proud to read about such awesome thoughts Saritha!
    I LOVE this post..

    Saritha:-Thank u so much abhi,this is my first post on such a issue 🙂

    you have given clear cut answers and exposed this drama of wanting a son for stupid senseless reasons..

    and now I am so very sure that your daughters will be WONDERFUL, STRONG, CONFIDENT women! 🙂

    ((hugs))for a lovely blogger and her two princesses 🙂

    Saritha:-Felt the hug and all three of us are hugging u 🙂

  8. This is an age old belief in our society and sadly even the younger generation is falling prey to it. My SIL is expecting and asked me to search for names. I could simply not believe my ears when she said that she wanted me to “START” searching with boys names only! I decided “To Hell with everything,” I am not even searching!

    Saritha: How much ever we say times are changing,we find people who still want a son and i have a friend who is a local here and has 3 sons and she wants more sons

    I seriously wonder what the solution to this problem is.

  9. Fantastic post 🙂
    We are 2 daughters too and our parents always say the same thing – they wanted 2 daughters, they have 2 daughters! 🙂

    Hugs to ur parents and it is difficult to find such a people

    I loved your clear thoughts.. the questions should make any person to stop and think. 🙂
    🙂 🙂 thank you

    Sons and daughters are the same – we should want kids for kids’ sake and to carry name forward, izzat forward, to divide property…

    It doesn’t matter who takes care of whom, as long as we are there for each other as a family. That’s what is most important 🙂

    Very well said “as long as we are there for each other as a family”
    Lovely post! 🙂

  10. Sons and daughters are the same – we should want kids for kids’ sake and NOT to carry name forward, izzat forward, to divide property…

    Sorry! Ate up the word NOT there! 😀

    Hungry I guess!
    😀

  11. All these confusions….its all these confusions thats making me scared to get married !!! 😀

    Welcome here vimmuu 🙂

    There is nothing to get scared check the girls profile in the matrimonial site of yours as told by ur mom 🙂

  12. Saritha, Fantastic post! So well written! And you have raised so many valid points!

    Thanks smitha 🙂

    I have never understood the hankering for a son.. But have seen it everywhere. I was lucky that my parents are amazing – they have never differentiated between me and my brother.. But this discrimination is everywhere.. Once one of my neighbours had a grand party – almost like a wedding reception when they had a boy after 4 girls!!! It made me so sad for the girls – whose birthdays I have never seen being celebrated.

    You are lucky to have such a parents smitha,hugs to them,but i have seen many in my relatives where they discriminate the girl and we always used to tell them “care for girl child “.

    I think ‘boys’ signify monetary security for parents.. What I feel most angry about is that people have kids – almost as an insurance policy. I want a son – to look after me.. Disgusting – is all I can say!

    Most of the parents want sons so that they take care of them in their old age,but now they are so many old age homes coming up makes me wonder where are the sons of these parents??

    Fantastic post , again.
    🙂 🙂

  13. Beautifully written post, Saritha. You were clear cut, in expressing your opinions here. Nicely worded.

    Thank u so much sandhya

    So sons are only for the money?
    So sons are only for the family name ?
    Sons are only for the property?

    Only daughters (90%) are attached to their parents, throughout their lives. If we are lucky (people like me who have only sons!), we will have a DIL who will be close to us. Men are not emotionally attached and they won’t have time to think in that angle. They act according to the present state. I have seen many DILs who are close to their parents-in-laws also. Again it is girls!

    Yes girls are emotionally attached to their parents,my mom say after getting married also a girl says my family (Parents) and my house(Family house) where as a boy soon after getting married says my family (he and his wife and kids) and my house(Which he started living after marriage).

    Both I and my husband wanted a girl child but taking risk and having one more child, is unthinkable! Three sons and a husband – all males – huh, don’t want to imagine even!

    Your thought of adopting one more girl child….great. Your daughters will always be close to each other and will be closer to you, Saritha. They are lucky to have a mother like you. You are a good-hearted person.

    Adopting a child is my hubby’s plan,i just support him 🙂

    I was wondering how come you have not written new posts, I don’t know why it is not showing in my blog. I find it difficult to comment also. When I hit ‘comment’ it takes very very long time and sometimes, it doesn’t work. Is blogspot becoming weak?!!

  14. My financially not so well to do mom took care of her mother till she died … instead of her two multi millionaire brothers… !!

    so this is not at all a surprise to me… by that i dont mean that sons dont take care… but the fact people say daughters will leave and go away is all hogwash… bakwaas…

  15. I don’t see my comment here. I wrote one in the morning….mmmmmmmmm Something is wrong in my blogspot. I have started pestering my son to change me to wordpress!

    Your comment has gone into spam

  16. Thank god, my comment to your next post got published immediately. Otherwise, it was taking a long time and sometimes I just leave it to publish and leave the PC. When I come back, most of the time I close the extra windows without checking if the comments have been published.

    So most of the time, I had to comment the second time, by then, the next post is published!
    This is happening with you, manju, Sai and some more bloggers. I will wait for some more time and shift to wordpress!

    Sandhya its time u join us in WP.It is very easy to use 🙂

  17. So very true Saritha I don’t know what to say But now a days they are changing a lot. I think you are so lucky you have 2 girls. and those cute little one also so lucky to have a mother like you.

  18. Whenever anyone says you have only two daughters and no sons then my dad will spontaneously reply them…..I am the only man of the house…why you people are jealous of my position…..he never ever thought of boy i think……

    Lovely answer from your dad lubna,hugs to him 🙂

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